Why, because it is dated and perhaps a bit to over designed? Is is because the  thing has clearly been manufactured for people to buy as gifts for people they either don’t really know or can’t be bothered t think about? Both of those are worthy of the campaign but the actual reason is due to the fact that it encourages knife crime!! This plastic knife man makes light of the notion of repeatedly stabbing someone ….

This isn’t a joke – there are actually people out there that are complaining to the police about this object. Is there any evidence for this  - has anyone ever been stabbed and the crime directly linked to the influence of a plastic knife block? My research skills do not go beyond a google search but that tells me that no such causal link has ever been established – but please  comment below if you know of an instance.

The whole thing very much brings to mind the Victorian notion of covering up table leg to prevent men from  turning into beasts and humping each other. If simple glimpse of wood can give wood a knife block that looks like a person can cause you to want to put knives into a real person – I need to test the theory.

If I place the offending voodoo object onto a naked table will the casual viewers be simultaneously thrilled by the legs and put into a murderous rage by the sight of the blades? A frenzy of lust and stabbing could ensure …. crikey!

From Chaplin to Beyonce we’ve included it all. There are million dollar bath tubs and ornamental speed boats, you know the stuff, things that celebrities just can’t do without. Ever wondered how many wallabies Elvis gifted away or what types of cars the Biebster received for his 16th birthday (there was more than one) and from who? Then look no further…

Celebrity gifts: A Timeline has all the significant gifty-based moments of the last century in one place, sit back, scroll through, enjoy and wonder what happened to Noel Coward’s alligator.

Celebrity Gifts: A Timeline is presented to you by Find Me A Gift. You can see the original here.

Which is not because of the volume – each little nitrous oxide canister only contains 8gm of N2O but because the gas is such a powerful climate changing gas … so consider this the next time that you find yourself feeling the need for a fluffy whipped cream sundae. Your banana split is killing baby polar bears!

And the other reason that it is such an environ-disaster is because  the people that choose to leave a dispenser just lying around may well find it being eaten by cows – and as we already know the cows are not shy about producing methane – mix a bit of methane with the residual cream-puffing gas and then pass it through the four stomachs and what do you have…. yep, that’s write you metho-nitro- oxide the most powerful temperature changing gas ever created. If a bond villain was going to destroy the planet for a new film then this is what he could use. All it would take would be a box of whipped cream dispensers and a field filled with cows …

don’t believe me? then check here

To celebrate the launch of VICE’s sparkling new website, VICE.COM, they will be holding six amazing free parties in Brighton, Leeds, Nottingham, Manchester, Bristol, and London. Leeds, Nottingham and Manchester are all in the north, Bristol is in Wales and London is London – so best go tom the Brighton party, no?

And here is all you need to know:

“On 28th October VICE returns to The Green Door Store in Brighton. Because we are rather proud of our new website, and like to throw a fucking great party, we have got our friends Purity Ring flying all the way from New York to play in England for the first time ever. The duo will be headlining the party and bring with them their infectious electronic pop, and their truly unmissable live show.

Don’t miss the chance of getting free drinks by signing up for free drinks tokens here. American Apparel will also be at the party to hand out free giveaways to first 100 people!”

BRIGHTON – GREEN DOOR STORE

Friday 28th October

11PM-4AM

• Purity Ring Live
• Theme Park Live
• Deaf Club Live
• Dark Party DJ
• The Recommender DJ
• Danger De Mort DJ
• Aereo DJ

Find out more at www.vice.com/issuelaunch

I actually took the time to youtube a few of the ‘World Champion’ poledancers of the sport – they are not that good really….

And if you compare it to some of the rythmic gymnastics that should be effectively the equivalents then they fall well short of the bar.

So would the level of the dancing improve with all of the money that would accompany it into the Olympic family or would a few second rate gymnasts change disciplines in order to clean the floor with the vertical dancers? One company www.polesport.co.uk has even given their store a name to reflect the fact that it is sport and not an erotic tease!

The other comparison that has been made is with  beach volleyball – I assume the connection is more to do with the fact that sponsors can plaster their logos in tele-friendly than anything to do with any net/pole/beach/stripping connections.

Beach Volleyball

The addition of X Pole Sport would obviously  open the way for more semi-talented events that present the opportunity for sposored lingerie.

1. Undressing for bed
2. Trying on clothes
3. Sunbathing

The fact that it hasn’t made the grade as an exhibition event has prompted suggestions that Pole Dance can join forces with other ‘underground’ sports to form an alternative olympics. The main event of which would be the Thai Style Pat Pong ping-pong.

I have no issue with the concept – after all who doesn’t want to take over the world? If things had been slightly different then maybe Colonel Gaddafi  would not be a Mad Dog Dictator sweating it out in North Africa – he would be taking over the world with self-titled programmes/books/shops/restaurants.

In reality I haven’t been the recipease in Brighton but I will be  going there in April and will report my findings back here and on the review sites that are becoming part of my SEO strategies as I build up profiles on them. It seems that you need 10+ reviews before you are taken seriously and each one requires unique content, so with 10 profiles on each user submitted review site then that makes …. too many to count.

But anyway check back here in a month to see my honest musings on the subject of Jamie Olivers Recipease in Brighton.

I am mainly looking forwards to learning a few recipes of Italian styled cooking and meeting up with some good friends.

What I have also noticed is that the search engines seem to be increasing the weight that place on these reviews when it comes to  placing a website in it’s search listings.  If you were to google ‘Brighton Restaurants’ you would find the top slots on page one websites that – in terms of pure search engine optimisation – do not deserve to be there. For example right near the top is the Iydea Vegetarian Restaurant, their website is a three legged blind dog that needs to be put out of its misery and yet there it is, top of page one that’s the equivalent of the final at Crufts.

The only way they have gotten there is by garnering 53 reviews on these user submitted review sites. It would only take one day to write 53 reviews yet it would take many days of very expensive SEO to get onto the front page for such a competitive search term as ‘Brighton Restaurants’.

I would suggest that it is only a matter of time before somebody at Google Towers tweaks an algorithm and it will all change – but until then if you have a business in a sector that google chooses to list with the accompanying  review count; then get reviewing – and don’t stop because it’s an arms race and your competitors will be doing it too.

This transparent glass toaster is almost magical in it’s toasting abilities, watch the video to see all of the powers it manages to hide behind see thru sides.

The video above demonstrates the awesome super-powered toasting technology. Advances in kitchen gadgetry like this do not happen by accident they require inspiration and perspiration to make them come to life … here is the story behind this Magimix Visions design classic.

Wonderwoman had a clear, transparent, glass plane – it got her out of all kinds of scrapes. It is a technological travesty that she was forced to toast her crumpets by poking a stick through them and holding it over a fire. Not only was it a bit embarrassing for an empowered superhero to be stuck with such old school technology it also led to burnt bread. What the woman really wanted was a see through toaster to match the transparent plane.

The boffins behind the invisible plane were pressured into using their boffin brains in their secret underground lab to work on the wonder toaster. So much time and money was spent on the project that the US government were forced to cancel the whole female superhero project. It was a full five years before Magimix picked up where the others had left off – the super duper see through toaster was on the right track again. They were slightly distracted form toast projects when they side stepped into a see through glass toilet which clearly was never going to be a big seller. The first model was good it cooked anything form pittas to pop-tarts but was beyond the reach of us mere mortals at $100,000.

Things have come a long way since then and now we can all have access to super toasters. The see through toaster has revolutionised lives across the UK. Not only does it allow you to entertain yourself by viewing your toast through the transparent, heated glass sides. It is also possible to judge exactly when your toast is toasted. Find out the real facts at www.seethroughtoasters.co.uk

The transparent, see through toaster is the best thing since sliced bread!

That’s why I reckon it’s going to be good, that’s why it’s going to change your life.

Here is what I don’t know…

“What we do is seriously frowned upon so we have to keep it secret so we don’t get busted and stuff. This is not bingo as you know it – this is Rebel Bingo – it’s about going out with your mates, getting smashed, dancing, playing hardcore rebel bingo, winning sick prizes from iwantoneofthose.com, and drawing on each other a lot.”

So there you have it…

And to accompany it here is the evidence,

It appears to show evidence of people drawing on each other and bingo. I think they are smashed and they are probably mates. It is dark, so let us assume it is underground. What more do you need to know?

Personally, I blame the teachers.

Or maybe I should be blaming the taechers?

Which makes me think about the cyber-squatting illegal to use domain names that could be construed as representing an organisation. This includes typos, but how close to the original do you have to be in order to bring a hefty law suit onto your head? Bearing in mind the state of literacy in this country, the acceptable limits are going to have to be flexible. I am gonna reister www.omazon.co.uk before it gets to late.

For a short time I took over a phone number from a cafe that had closed. The majority of phone calls that came through were trying to sell me stuff, the most interesting ones were trying to sell me advertising. The offer usually went something like this.

1. I book and advert.

2. They write a glowing review of my cafe.

3. We all jump into bed together for a special massage.

The third point was implied, but not actually spoken. The fist two were a given. Because Qype reviews are written by the public then it’s the public that get to share the love.

The end result of this fine and incestuous bargain leaves both parties sated. But the problem is that it means you can’t trust the reviews you read. Newspapers are obliged to label adverts to differentiate them form news, but at a local level this seems to be ignored and doesn’t apply to magazines anyway.So, other than word of mouth, how do you find out what is good/shite in Brighton?

I have recently fallen in love with www.qype.co.uk it is a user submitted review site. Most importantly it allows everyone to say what they really believe about the service that they use. There is the obvious issue that a venue/cafe/pub could give itself positive reviews but the more people that use the site the more the majority opinion will out.

The idea  isn’t new ( toptable, tripadvisor, yelp, etc) but Qype is tryinget the to involve a social networking aspect to it all, which might encourage some of the FB/twitter fans to join in the fun. The Brighton part of the site has mushroomed since the start of this year.

If you fancy contributing then look me up -  my qype ID is hartingale

Join a democratic movement to kill the advertorials… find it Qype it!

Brighton Tattoo Convention.

oooooooooooooh freestuff – I can hear you salivating already. Well in order to be in it and win it then you need to answer one very simple question, then fill in the form below. …

Question:

Brighton is hosting a tattoo convention, but are tattoos conventional in Brighton?

Possible answers:

A- yes

B- no

C- Maybe, it all really depends on your point of view.

The Brighton Tattoo Convention brings together over 150 of the best tattoo artists in the world. So if you want to get yourself indelibly marked then you really need to be there. If you want to see a subculture displaying itself in all its arty finery then you really want to be there. Think what it would be like to be inside an aviary where only the most colourful Birds of Paradise are allowed entry. Then imagine those birds are competing against each other, seeing who they get to mate with the choicest bird and improving their chances by adding to their exotic plumage. Then imagine you are there too  – because you were clever enough to win some tickets with The Hussy. 

The event is being held at Brighton Racecourse

30th and 31st January

Tickets cost £20 (day), £35 (weekend)

Plus, there is an aftershow party at Concorde2 (Free with convention entry)

Plus, there is Live Music all day.

The winners of the competition will each get 2 tickets and be contacted by email on Friday 29th January. Good Luck… 

cforms contact form by delicious:days

Isn’t it about time that you claimed the 15 minutes of fame that are your birthright? You could try faking a learning disability and make an arse of yourself in the Britain’s Got Talent - who knows you could pull a monkey out of the hat and win. Don’t go grasping at all of your 15 minutes in one go – you’ll end up looking like man drowning in a barrel of approbationary effluent, trying to pull himself up on the greased pole of dreams hung just out of reach by the teasing temptations of future dreams. No. Fit a gastric band to your ego and nibble at your 15 minutes – 20 seconds at a time. www.pecha-kucha.org

If you have 20 things thoughts you want to share with others then Pecha Kucha is for you. Presenters need to apply by 15th January

Pecha Kucha Night Brighton Vol. 5
Komedia Studio Bar,
44-47 Gardner Street, Brighton, BN1 1UN
Wednesday 17th February 2010
Doors Open 7.30pm Starts 8.20pm Finish 11pm
Bar available
£3 Door Sales only

Contact pknbrighton@gmail.com

Bad Sex in Fiction

I suggest you give these lines a test drive. Roll them around your mouth a few times to warm them up then take them out for a spin. Whether used on your lover or a stranger – each sentence is guaranteed to unfurl the most tightly bound petals and dilate the steeliest gimlet eyes. You could measure the response mechanism of the central nervous system if were to time from when the last perfectly honed syllable left your lips until the listener subconsciously flicks their tongue across their teeth. In order to improve the quality of these lines of love, I took advantage of google’s translation facilities to translate the passage into french, the language of love. And then for the benefit of myself and the other anglophile romantics I translated it back into English, the results are below. Give it a go, you will find yourself rejoicing in spurts.

Her vulva was in front of my face. Beyond the pale flesh, a little young swollen lips. Gender, to me as a Gorgon head eyes never blinks unique as Cyclops was still watching me as a spy. Gradually, silent gaze penetrate my marrow. My breathing accelerated and stretched my hand to hide it: I’ve never seen, but still saw me and me (I already) been purified in the nude naked. Only have to be still, I have the fire My Dick can use a pole, and made me blind Polyphemus a possibility. But the tail, the stone was returned seemed ineffective. My arms were stretched without limit fingers and eyes buried. Hips slightly changed, but it was all. Far from piercing, I instead opened the eyes still hidden behind the wide eyes were empty. Then I had no idea: I let my fingers and forearm forward while dragging me, me, my wound taken against my vulva it was resting against the hole. At this time in a course, this body at the bottom of my third eye bright, his one eye looking irradiated Own Me and blind us to each other: still got a big jump was in the white light seems to go, he shouted: “What are you doing, what? and I loudly, her vulva and I am too deep into my eyes finally all, are cleaned and opened to swallow is still very large penis, a rejoicing in Spurts laughed at everything I saw out of the sperm gushes.

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Early Cafe Culture to Sailing Marina

Storming a teacup

The pre-historic settlers of Brighton were of various origins, even in it’s infancy it was a mixing pot of life styles, cultures and fashionistas. Digs at early settlements have shown that as early as 15,000 b.c. there were a string of café bars along the coast serving a bland Colombian coffee blend, but im sure the inhabitancies new that the Kenyan roast was only around the corner. The majority of the peoples of this new town came from 5 main areas.
There were the Saxons, who moved to the area when they found out that Peter “Biff” Byford had bought a beach kibbutz in the area, they were a distinctive peoples, with long hair, low brows and distinctive leather clad dress shirts. They tended to stick to their own, and settles around what is now London Road, but used to be a seasonal river. Finding found in this area show that they lived on a diet of obsidian skulls and judging by their grotesquely disintegrated necks and the surprisingly high amount of fatalities due to massive burns to the top of the skull, spent their leisure time rocking out in thunder storms.
The second group were the Angles, who had moved from the Rhineland’s as they thought it was all the lines were too flowing and faced persecution from the Romantics, the Orange order and Mr Tickle. They landed in Brighthelmstonton c. 20,000 b.c and lived in square mazes that were built with boring old Prussian precision. They lived off the land, growing square watermelons long before the Japanese, harvesting waffles, toblarones and walnut whips (though they would only eat walnut whips in times of starvation as the base was circular). They were generally happy enough apparently.
The 3rd group were people who were cruising about the med in boats and got caught in a storm, these were the Marinas. They needed somewhere to shelter their boats and happened across the natural harbour to the east of Brighton, which is now the marina (names after them). Where the marina is now, their was a natural coral bay, which the concrete walls have been built on top of. It you want to imagine it, think of the cliff as a stomach and the ‘arms’ (or walls) of the marina looking like someone doing a mime of how over weight someone they have met or seen is to a friend. The Marina people were from all over Europe and brought many strange and exotic items to trade with the locals such as beads, spices, oil, tiles, horse meat and Speedos. Some of them left when the storm cleared up but some stayed and these people opened up Brighthelmstonton to trade with the rest of Europe for the first time
The 4th group were the Celts, who had travelled far and wide. They liked to booze it up right nice a lot of the time, though their system of laws was far superior to our own in many ways. They used shells as currency, the down side to which was that after heavy storms loads of shells would wash up on the beach and the value of the currency would crash through the floor, meaning that they had either hyper inflation or massive depressions. The bones of many skeletons of Celtic merchants can still be found at the bottom of the cliffs to the east of Brighton and make an excellent substitute for chalk.
And the 5th group was a man called Geoff, who moved down with his family, he remembered having a nice time in Brighthelmstonton once when he was younger and used his redundancy money to build the beginnings of what developed into Hollingbury Hill fort (but more of that later).
These groups got along in general, they traded, they interbred, they laughed together, though there was inevitable skirmish’s, however the 5 settlements were still fairly separate and the area could not really be considered a single settlement as yet, though the town was finally taking root.

Next week: ‘The age of metal’ Brighthelmston goes Bronze

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Wall of vaginas. Five years, 400 vulva. That makes almost one labia a day!

It’s art with a social conscience or possibly just  headline grabbing, media savvy artsploitation. Think of genitals in a tank of formaldehyde, chainsawn in half and arranged in a 10x6x2 formation – 400 pissflaps dribbling over 200 pissoirs.

Which is not to say that it isn’t worth a visit. After all, where else could you take the time to stand and stare at a sight such as this?

I’ve seen a single section of this before and the casts did carry the pallor of a death mask – the eyes are open but nobody is home.

Actually they aren’t as lifeless as a death mask – they have taken on more the appearance of a labradors cheeks as it puts its head out of a car window on a motorway.  Roger Moore’s face as he gets centrifuged – click the image to see the video.



Great Wall of Vaginas! Go and see them in all of their slightly wobbly, yet still imposing  glory this May details here

Spin produced by Madame Geisha’s PR team has sucked me into their vortex.

I was particularly struck by a full-page write up in a local free mag that was so conflated with praise a cynic might be mistaken for thinking that it wasn’t a review at all but actually a regurgitated press release. I am a sceptic, not a cynic; so I took myself off to investigate.

My pre-dinner googling informed me…

“uniquely positioned in the heart of Brighton’s boutique quarter and just a stone’s throw away from the city’s world famous sea front, Madame Geisha is a brand new concept in dining, drinking and entertainment.”

Bloody hell – a brand new concept in dining, drinking and entertainment!! You would have thought a brand new concept in any one of those three would be enough for a lifetime. I tried to think of all the concepts that could have been considered “brand new” when they originated.

Food: Sandwiches to an 18^th Century card player, potatoes to an Elizabethan, cooked food to a Neanderthal, sushi to a man-in-the-street in 1991.

Entertainment: Breakdancing to a Tibetan monk, Big Brother to everyone, Lady GaGa (just kidding), Elvis to 1953

Drink: Beer to ancient Egyptians, tea to Marco Polo, Singapore Slings to a Singaporean, Special Brew to a vagrant in 1950…

You get the point. So, I was prepped and ready for an epoch defining evening.

The Décor

They say: blends old style with new design to great effect.

I say: inspired by something that was inspired by a Blade Runner inspired idea of Asia. Exposed ventilation ducts, harsh lighting, perhaps they blew the design budget on PR? There is a random bamboo trellis by the entrance, perhaps that is the “old style”?

The Service

Kind of odd. The well-briefed waitress was trained in soft-hard selling. This is something expected in France, USA or anywhere that the frontline staff are paid a percent of sales, caught me off-guard in Brighton. When we ordered two glasses of wine, “why not get a whole bottle?” well, because we don’t want one. If we went to buy a car would the sales rep suggest, “why not get three?” and anyway it is illegal for barstaff to encourage alcohol consumption. When we ordered two dim sum, “they are really small do you want more than two?”. When my wife ordered her green curry with rice, “wouldn’t you rather have noodles?” no “why not, don’t you like noodles?” bloody hell, fuck off.

The Food

Bit-of-this; bit-of-that. All quite nice and overpriced in the annoying but not offensively so bracket. The randomness of the “if it’s Asian we serve it” menu had me thinking… in Asia do Pan-European restaurants serve any native food found within seven timezones? eg. Haggis pizza with stilton and dry cod? The main course was accompanied by the now famous Zilli Stack, nine chips in a perfect little pile, 3x3x3. Nothing offensive, but I think the money ,must be going to the PR department rather than the kitchen.

Towards the end of the meal the lighting changed and we were informed by the waitress that we where “changing into disco mode”. Time to go…

So we left the confused madam.

Saudek

The Kings Road Arches in Brighton are the ideal place to go if you are seeking shelter from the seafront storm. But what few people realise is that during the second world war they were home to the Chzech artists and photographer Jan Saudek as he fled oppression. In the fetid dank spacewas his shelter and studio for 3 years. The work that he produced during this period is considered some of his finest.

Saudek - Girl on Dog

Caburlesque

If you don’t want to read the blurb,just skip to the end to find out how to win a pair of tickets…

Cabaret – late night variety show entertainment. Burlesque – teasing, titillation and temptation with tassels. Caburlesque - what you get when cabaret rams itself so hard into the rear of burlesque that they coalesce. How can you beat that for a night out? Caburlesque – Back in the Stockings – a spectacular Christmas show with Song, Dance and Tease from the glamorous Caburlesque cast. Sophisticated, Saucy and full of seasonal surprises. Ages 18+. Because The Hussy is full of seasonal joy, we have some tickets to give away…. keep reading

The Old Market, Upper Market St. Hove
Saturday, Decemeber 12, 7.30pm
Info and tickets

Win tickets

We have tickets to give away for Caburlesque. If you are interested in blagging a freebie then you need to be able to answer the following question:

Burlesque performers wear self-adhesive nipple tassels called pasties. Pasties come from Cornwall. In cornwall they put meat into their pasties. Strippers put nipples into their pasties. So, the qestion is… what is better a nipple or a piece of meat? When you have an answer go to fill in the form below.

cforms contact form by delicious:days

Satachi Trade is a trading bank in Brighton. And I am just using this post to test the number of people searching for this particular business in Brighton. If you are genuinely interested in what satachitrade is then i suggest you look at the company website, although where would you go to verify what they tell you? You would google it of course which in turn could bring you back to this page. What an evil circle you would find yourself in.

Here is the reasons for the meandering post…

Before you part with your hard earned cash you would like to check a few reviews and see what other people think. This is one of the main reasons why amazon is killing book shops. They aren’t the cheapest and you can’t see what you are about to purchase. But you can read what other people think, it is the amazon reviews section that sets is above from other retailers.

Wouldn’t it be good if you could write your own reviews? I have chosen Satachi trade as a test case. Before I joined the organisation then I googled it to see what it was all about. Could I really trust the  handsome salesman giving me the hard sell in the shadows of the Thomas Kemp? Could I trust the testimonials on the companies own website? What I wanted was a second opinion. If this page existed at the time, then I would have used it for info. It didn’t, I couldn’t.

As you have probably noticed, I haven’t told you anything about Satachi trade yet. That is beacuase this isn’t an advert or a review. Just an experiment.

And now… because I have wasted your time here is a video to make you go ooooh!

‘Tis the season for going out – lots – but before you tire of the semi-seasonal tinsel-pub syndrome, go and do something interesting and different. It doesn’t have to be just back-slapping and workmate-hugging. Why not let somebody else do all of the dancing for you?

“Unwrap yourself a treat with the Twelve days of Christmas, Caburlesque Style

Song, Dance, Variety & Tease with a seasonal twist.
You’ll get a stage full of sequins, high kicks, glamorous moves and velvety vocals from our sexy performers.

Sophisticated, Saucy and full of seasonal surprises.
We shall be wearing our feathers and finery so why don’t you. ”

We will be tossing a pair of tickets in your general direction in this week’s newsletter – so keep watching…

And of course you can’t all bag a freebie, so remember tickets can also be exchanged for monies at the box office.

12th  Dec – The Old Market
Brighton – 7.30pm
www.theoldmarket.co.uk
Upper Market Street. Hove. BN3 1AS
BOX OFFICE: 01273   736 222

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Tony Robinson w Yazuka

Ask Tony Robinson and he’ll probably tell you that Brighton started as a Neolithic settlement a couple of thousand years ago but the only way to find out is to get some shovels and excavate the town. Let me tell you something about ‘Tony’, ‘Tony’ is looking out for ‘Tony’. Did you know that he owns shares in all of the major shovel manufactures in England? Did you realise that he personally had a trade embargo on cheap foreign shovels pushed through parliament by his powerful friends? Did you realise that ‘Tony’ owns half of Worthing and would like nothing more than our great city to be full of holes thus making it a less attractive option when it comes to buying a property, experientially raising the housing prices in Worthing? No he keep’s all that pretty quiet when he’s dishing out his self-serving advice. You simply cannot trust the man ever since ran up huge gambling debts with the Yakuza during the heady days of ‘Maid Marion’. But I fear I digress.
Brighton or Brighthelmstonton, as it was once known, is a settlement by the southern seas. The area has been populated for at least 50,000 years firstly by it’s earliest inhabitance the ‘Mermen’ who made bases made of corral, shells, nets and tridents and lovely clandestine shanties along the coast as trading posts to trade pebbles with the land dwellers from the Hassocks area. Not a lot of money in pebbles plus they made terrible investment decisions with the little money they had (cave carvings on Madera drive show a science where the Mermen exchange 65% of their collective wealth for a Sinclair C-5) Unfortunately and their society soon became bankrupt and fell into chaos and the Mermen dissipated into small roaming groups living as salvagers by the sewage outlet pipes along the coast where, as we know, they can still be found too this day.
By 30,000 b.c the area was filled with nomad hunter gatherers who swept majestically across the south downs in herds of up to half a million, kicking up dust clouds so large that they could have been seen from Paris, or as it was called then ‘La MeggaVille 12′, but as the human population learnt how to make tools such as spears, hand axes, test tubes, big plates and grippy socks they began to settle in one place, where their study of the environment meant they were the first creature since Beavers, Otters, most Birds, Spiders, Ants and Bee’s to effectively manage their environment to create a stable habitat to live in rather than just rooting around for stuff to eat.
One such settlement was establishes here on the south coast, just down form the hills a bit, by a river which has since been bricked over and was called Brighthelmstonton.
Next week – ‘Pre-Historic Brighthelmstonton’

Modern Toss

Modern Toss lead the way in making and selling rubbishy nik naks for the unconcerned consumer. I have always beleived that if a gift serves a purpose then it isn’t really a gift, it’s a utensil. Do you really want to give utensils out to your friends and relis? No, buy them pointless nik-naks instead. Actually, it would probably be a safer bet to get your nik-naks from Poundland, but if you come from Brightonia you probably attach a pathetic kudos to individuality. So, this one is for you.

At the Pussy Boutique, Bartholomews Square, Brighton

Invites for the opening night are coming in tomorrows Hussy Mail.

Subscribe (top of Home page) if you are interested.

Carrie Reichardt

The upcoming Brighton Craft Fair made me think of this chimeric ceramica that I saw at Ink-d some time or other a bit ago. So, will the crafty collective be displaying crochet tea cozies and evening class thumb post. Or will they be bringing out something a bit more funky Brighton as opposed to blue-rinsed Hove?

I guess you can find out for yourself by popping into the Corn Exchange this weekend.

But however odd it seems, a freebie is not to be sniffed at, so…

We have 4 tickets to give away for the launch part. This will get you in, get you some champagne and  – if you think a lapdance is something that should be marketed in the same style as Asda economy sausages – it will get you 2 for 1 lap dances.

To enter answer this question…

Peter Stringfellow – who popularised poledancing in the UK – was famous for his ridiculous hair style. What fish was Peter’s hairstyle named after? Clue: it (almost) rhymes with bullet.

Answer by filling out the form below….

Details of the event:

Where: Platinum Lace, East Street Brighton.

When: Saturday 21st November, 8pm-5am

What: Free entry for 4 people, inc glass champage, free merchandise and giveaways. 2 for 1 dances before 10pm.

After you have entered, you will receive a confirmation email, make sure that this does not find its way into your junk folder.

Competition Closes:  Thurs 19th November

cforms contact form by delicious:days

Well, quite a lot actually. But most of it is crap.

If you want a  nod in the direction of the most interesting goings on in Brightonia. Sign up for Hussy Mailand get our weekly email of listings and events guaranteed to stimulate and intrigue. The most recent mailout musings are archived at the bottom of this page, so you can see what you might be letting yourself in for…

You can unsubscribe at any time and we will never pass any of your details onto others, even if they hold a gun to our heads and electrodes to our nipples.

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Fans of the five finger discount should definitely be considering a trip to Jamie’s Italian on Black Lion Street. If you enjoy the crafty acquisition of ‘souvenirs’ from the scene of every good time, then forget the food, tasty though it is, and concentrate on the loot. 

In order to recreate a suitably rustic Italian scene, the easy to reach shelves that run around the dining area are crammed with expensive cans of vine tomatoes and heavy bottles of olive oil.

Given that they are attempting to sell olive oil at some rather interesting prices, you’d be forgiven for helping yourself to a free bottle.

The antipasti plank is placed triumphantly atop two of those tins of tomatoes when it is brought to the table, and what self-respecting waiter has time to notice those disappearing? Indeed, what self-respecting customer would choose to leave them there?

There’s also a rustic bread board full of enormous loaves of ciabatta, which the staff frequently leave unattended, and meat strung from anything that looks like it could take the weight. Easily plucked down and made off with during a busy period. Or help yourself to a serious lump of the decorative cheese that grace every counter.

Best of all, the napkins on each table are available to purchase at £12 each, so provided you don’t get clumsy with your spaghetti, you can easily sneak away with a pristine set.

No booking required, just big pockets.

Prize: Pair of tickets to and a CD of The Robert Mitchell 3, Brighton Dome, 9th November

Closes: Monday 9th Novemeber

To Enter: By email, put “Jazz” in the subject line, answer and contact details in the body

(Details of how to enter at the bottom of the page)

If you want to keep up to date with the Hussy’s freestuff please subscribe to our newsletter

Vampires are good: Lanky-goth-erotica, love-bites and seductive cannibalism. Just look at the homoerotic Pitt/Cruise combo or suicidegirls.com for evidence of vampire power.

Zombies are good: Brain-eating, indestrructable, undead. They don’t think they just do – how is that for a Zen lesson?

VAMPIRES vs. ZOMBIES (Fri 13th Nov @Komedia)

Prepare yourselves for a cult movie-style night of bloodiest hell, featuring themed neo-cabaret, fire hula, aerial and sideshow burlesque live acts from MISS KITTY PEELS, ANNA HULAGAN, BABY BONES, dirty filthy music from PINK NARCISSUS and some very special guests, all spliced up with your favourite Zombie/Vampire films.

Blood-hungrily hosted by Rosy Carrick, with plenty of dirty electro, alt. rock, vaudeville swing, punk metal, soundtracks and classic hits from the resident TT DJs, DAVE GRINNEL and DIRTY DOM, to dance you down to mere meaty stumps…

Acts start promptly at 10pm, so please arrive on time, you filthy, rotting, gorestained corpses…

DRESS TO UNFLESH – the best dressed win prizes, so sharpen your fangs, make up your stickiest blood by the gallon, tear your skin a little and get that death walk perfect…

Dress Code: Blood, guts, gore, smut, rotting bits, 80s vamp chic, teeth, teeth punctured bodily areas and other teeth related ITEMS, brains, wedding attire, prom dresses, crazed trance-like deathly stares, whatever the devil you fancy…

Tickets cost £10/8

BUT…BOOK BEFORE 1ST NOV FOR OUR EARLYBIRD £7 TICKET!

So, to win 4 tickets complete this sentence to let the Hussy know your undead preferences:

I would rather spend the night with a Vampire/Zombie because…

Send you answer (12 words max) in the subject line of an email to vampirezombie@thehussy.co.uk

If you want to keep up to date with the Hussy’s freestuff please subscribe to our newsletter

For more info on the night here

Remember you are only granted an extra 60 minutes, if you hang around Brighton enjoying yourself for too long you go all pumkniny. Here are The Hussy’s pick of the night.

White Night

1. Penny Arcade  –  Fishing Museum

Living arcade machines. Small groups of people (up to six) will be shunted in to the teeny-weeny venue themed around an ancient out-of-season arcade. Inside they will find the archana and signage of old seaside amusements, wonky experimental fairground music, and three human size fortune-telling penny arcade machines.

In each machine will be a performer re-enacting a classic amusement: The Laughing Fortune-Telling Musical Clowns; The Graveyard Scene; and the Gypsy Palm-Reading Machine. The White Night Penny Arcade will create an out-of time space filled with awe and wonder.

2. The Fortune Factory – Phoenix Gallery

A heady mix of experimental performances, artworks and music in this cutting edge happening. Featuring the Istitute of Unnecessary Research, Beatabet Colllective, the Spirit of Gravity, and many more.

3. Drawing Cards From The Deck – Komedia

Get naked and draw. The event will give people the opportunity to draw from a unique range of costumed and nude poses in the context of a theatrical life class. Tuition will be provided by Jake Spicer of the Brighton Life Drawing Sessions After 9pm every half hour the doors will be opened to allow participants to come down to the studio bar where there will be given a drawing board, paper and drawing materials and shown to a space in which to draw.

4. A Surprise – Jubilee Square

It really, really is a surpries. I have no idea what it is. But I have been promied that it will be very good. Or even excellent. And you can ask it questions???

Go out, have fun, don’t stay for longer than one hour and expect to queue for anything free. The area around Jubilee Library is always a good place to hang as you do something unusual in the middle of the night.

Let us consider some of the other possibilities..

1. Love Music, Love Racism

Nasty people can still have a gentle  heart when it is melted by sweet sounds pouring through their ears.

Take Nick Griffin for example, prior to life on the acceptable edge of right-wing thuggery Nick was in a ukulele band. Coming from a working class family he entered grammar school on a music scholarship and proceeded to read Baroque music at Cambridge. He now denies all of this, but he also denies denying the holocaust, so can you really trust what he says?

2. Love Racism, Hate Music

The Afrikaans despise all forms of music. Their extreme protestant beliefsinclude the idea that music is the devils temptation. Terre’Blanche once killed a man for humming. But you cannot fault his Love Racism credentials.

3. Hate Music, Hate Racism

Some people just hate everything they will never be happy. In fact I would even suggest that a music loving racist would have a more fulfilling life than someone that can find no joy in anything.

4. Indifferent to Music and Racism

This category is unfortunately where the majority of the population finds themselves. More people voted for Susan Boyle than voted at the European elections. Susan Boyle lost and the BNP received 6% of the vote. General indifference all around.

5. Love Music, Hate Racism

Saturday 24th October

Audio Brighton, Five Pounds, 7.30pm

Trenton & Free Radical,-  live Hip Hop and Reggae outfit hailling from  Africa and bringing a strong groove mixed with astute lyrics on living in our globalised world

Lana - who has had plenty of support on BBC 6 Music and BBC Radio 2

Senadee,  featured on the  dance hit ‘Say The Words’ (Ben Gold) which playlisted on BBC Radio 1 for 7 weeks and was single of the month in Mix Mag. He is going to bring his unrivalled vocal and myrical prowess along with his little acoustic band

“Lana has a pouty and sultry fullness to her voice and she plumbs the lower registers in a way that most young singers couldn’t even imagine – this is a woman and not a girl singing to you” – andygraham.org

Lana, Trenton And Free Radical, Senadee, Monumental Music Club

Audio Brighton

24th October

Four Quid

I Had been ignoring all but the most appetising messages.

That seems a bit of a waste and I am sure many nights worthy of a promotion slipped beneath me unnoticed. So, I have decided to chuck it all out there.

If you have something to promote email events@thehussy.co.uk and if you can spare a couple of tickets then I can send someone along to see what you have to offer.

If you are interested in writing reviews of live music, then fill in the form below and I will pass some of the good stuff your way. Please fill in the form below so I can keep your details. You need to be registered with the Hussy to fill the form in, but you can opt out of The Hussy’s newsletter if you don’t want it.

cforms contact form by delicious:days

If it’s the former, and you fancy taking on one hefty challenge, then how’s about you sign up for National Novel Writing Month?

“…a creative writing project held annually in November in which participants attempt to write a 50,000 word novel in one month. Despite the name, the project is now international in scope…”

Jucies fizzing at the thought? Then submit your details to the site and before you commit yourself to isolation and bitten fingernails, head over to The Sanctuary Cafe in on 30th October for the launch party, which will give you the chance to meet fellow crazy fools with literary aspirations. Mescaline optional.

 Nadege Meriau

Nadege Meriau

Brighton Art: If we turn poppies into art prints, then the Taliban will no longer need to sell them as heroin. Making the world beautiful and safe all at the same time.

Millenium: The Print Collection

Crane Kalman Gallery

26th October – 22nd November

Private view 4th November, 6-9pm

Download invite here

For no particular reason, the Hussy is now on twitter

www.twitter.com/hussybrighton

Please feel free to pop along and see me.

The “FuckTwitter” image came from F.A.T Photos

http://fffff.at/fuckflickr/fucktwitter/

If you enjoy art with a side order of interaction then you’ll no doubt be interested in the concept behind Fabrica’s latest exhibition – Chameleon.

Antipodean artist Tina Gonsalves and her team have somehow managed to create emotionally sensitive software which translates feelings into video portraits. These are then played back to visitors, which in turn affect their emotions anew, and mean that the mood within the gallery is constantly shifting in accordance with the exhibit.

It’s all to do with emotional contagion, an ability in human beings to absorb and display the emotions being expressed by others around them. Which the exhibition aims to demonstrate through you, the willing participant. It’s nice to feel part of something. Chameleon runs until 29th November.

Fabrica Gallery, 40 Duke St, BN1 1AG
Opening times
Wed-Sat 12-5pm
Sun 2-5pm
Late night opening on Sat 24 October until 2am
Closed Mon & Tues

1. Get Educated:

Roman Verostko – Artist Talk & Presentation

Tuesday 13 October

 At: Lighthouse, 28 Kensington Street, Brighton BN1 4AJ Doors & Bar: 6:30pm Artist Talk: 7pm

FREEWe are pleased to host a presentation by acclaimed digital artist Roman Verostko who has recently been honored with a Distinguished Artist Award for a Lifetime Achievement in Digital Art. Best know for his computer generated pen and brush drawings, Verostko will be presenting audiences with an overview of his seminal algorist work and his pioneering contribution to the development of digital art over the past thirty years. More Info

Roman Verostko

2. Get Laughing:

Stewart Lee - A Milder Comedian

Monday 19 October, Dome Corn Exchange

Stewart Lee has his own TV series, is smug and condescending. Do you need another reason.

3. Look at Something:

Crane Kalman - Photography Exhibition

Till 25th October

Lots of photos of trees, so it’s good if you like photography and good if you like trees. Win-win. The trees were actually lit at night by the photographers assistant crawling all over them with a torch.

Jean Luc Brouard

4. Get Some God in Your Soul:

Brighton Symphony @ Bartholomews Church

Saturday 17th October

St Bartholomews Church off London Road is the tallest church in England. When it was being constructed, the site manager was taken ill and in his absence nobody thought to tell the builders to stop. Coincidentally, it is exactly the same size as Noah’s Ark was. So if you don’t like symphony music then you can lean back ad stare up at the distant ceiling.

5. Wast Your Money:

THE PHILOSOPHY OF LOUISE HAY @ Sanctuary Cafe

Wednesday 14th October, 7.30pm

Bring about the change you want and heal your life by taking part in an inspiring ten week course based on the philosophy of the internationally known Louise Hay. Psychotherapist and licenced Louise Hay teacher Susie Courtault will be making you a better person. Alternatively, stop feeling sorry for yourself, get a life and do one of the other four things on this list.

Lousie Hay is the originator of the “Power Thought”; thoughts so powerful they can make dreams come true. www.louisehay.com for the secrets.

To book this ten week course with susie courtault. ring 01273 688 195 or 07939 590 633

£160/ £140 Conc

What is the name of Al Murray’s comedic alter ego?

And to save you thinking too hard, the answer is “The Pub Landlord”

This giveaway comes courtesy of Latest 7 mag.

email the answer to competitions@thelatest.co.uk include the name of comp in the subject of the email and the answer in the body.

Good Luck, it closes monday 19th October. The gig is 21st October and the meal at Pinocchio’s.

You’re bleary eyed, blurry minded, feeling bloody awful? Your phone is dead, your money is in somebody elses’s pocket…in short, you’re drunk and disorderly and the pavement is looking an increasingly tempting place to press your face into?

Well, don’t do that.

Your face deserves better.

The Hussy have compiled an in-depth and mostly made up survey, and are proud to bring you a comprehensive guide to the 5 best spots in Brighton and Hove for a weary inebriate to have a little lie down:

5) The grassy area surrounding St Peter’s Church – redeem yourself in the ominous shadow of the Lord.

4) The Clock Tower – If you’ve not been propped up against it in your time, then you’re clearly doing this all wrong.

3) Pavilion Gardens – laughably easy to hop over the fence, and if you’re not bothered by ominous rustling in the bushes, or damp grass, then you should assume the recovery position here.

2) The beach – close your eyes, put your hood up, pretend those vicious waves are nothing more than a tropical tickle and away you go. Just be prepared to have your head trodden on by a series of disorientated clubbers.

1) The entrance to the NCP Car Park on Cannon Place – slightly off the well-beaten track of West Street which means you stand a reasonable chance of remaining undisturbed, this little-known haven for the hazy also boasts a toilet and two vending machines. Winner? You will be.

Recent Video.

Paramount Comedy pulled out of the festival because they didn’t find it funny anymore. And it seems they took the ad spend with them. Google “Brighton Comedy Festival 2009″  The Hussy is on the first page, for any large event this place is normally the preserve of tickets sellers and promoters standing to earn a butty by telling you how great everything is, oh yes it is, honest, but a ticket. But they aren’t there and I am.

I found a brochure for the festival in the Peter Pan playground, which is where you would normally expect to find a soggy porn stash. So, what does the brochure tell me…

There are 54 comics on the bill

Alan Carr is the most expensive ticket, £30

There are 7 funny women in Brighton this month

There are LOADS of comedy awards, most comics own one

Everyone can quote a 5 star review

If a comic hasn’t  been on TV they have been on Radio4

Radio 4 isn’t funny

Gay men are funny

Irish people are funny

Al Murray is second priciest, £25

Beauty is not an asset to comedy

Most of the female comics cost under £12

I am mainly looking forwards to Frisky and Mannish

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From the pictures downstairs to the big wooden robots on the ground floor and the thing reaching down from the ceiling on the first floor there is a lot of great stuff here.  The building is quite nice as well with its faded elegance.

Pics by someone else.

Waller Hewett

Soft  little balls on spikes. And you can tickle them – gently.

Waller Hewett was the only artist at the Brighton Art Fair that encouraged me to stroke there fluffy balls.

Brighton Art Fair

Samantha Bryan

Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny little models. So cute. Except not when they come to life, crawl up your nose and tunnel into your brain. Tunnelling into a blamanchey gel is not easy so they have to be fast. Dig, dig, scratch, scratch, slither. Back out of your nose and away they go, taking your dreams with them.

Brighton Art Fair

Samantha Bryan

Mark Perronet

Brighton Art Fair was a few fucks and cunts short in the obscenity department, so the title for the sweariest had to go to Mark Perronet. SHITE not shight.

Brighton Art Fair

Laurie J Proud

Not only are they excellent paintings, but Laurie is a pleasant young man. And he wears a suit.

What more can you ask for?

Brighton Art Fair.

Prawn Cocktail – soggy prawns, probably defrosted under a worn tap, gloopy-snot sauce, limp lettuce

Garlic Mushrooms – floating in vegetable oil, like turds in the med.

Pizza -  half a pound of dehomoginised economy cheddar saturating the dough with oil

And best of all the waiter strutted around with a 24 inch pepper grinder.

The only contemporary touch was the Eastern European waiting staff. Very now.

So, are the management wittily tipping a wink at 1980s Italian diners or just lazy? Do they not know that Jamie Oliver has opened up around the corner. There was a time when going out for a meal could mean getting a Wimpy burger. Blue Nun used to be posh. They used to mime on the Radio One roadshows. Times change, we are all getting a bit more sophisticated. No? Actually, I shouldn’t grumble – it was really cheap.

The Half Sisters, (c) Ben Petrucci

 To be more precise it is Sister, Sister, Half Sister. But Bros allowed Craig to join in so there is family misnomer precedent in band names. Actually one third of the trio are half sisters so the name is 67% accurate.

The Brighton band are fun. And good. Good fun.

Tonight they are playing at the Brighton Live launch party, but that is invite only so you can’t come. There is free beer too, but don’t let that concern you. They are also playing at Madame Geisha, Friday 2nd October. So you can go, indeed you should go. To tempt you I have placed one of their extremely high budget videos below…

Hove Lawns: all sunny weekend.

The Brighton Food Festival has so far mainly been lots of underwhelming nothingness.

Food Miles, Buy Local, yeah, yeah, I get it. But it’s really nothing more than an overpriced market. London Road market has more to offer and it is open all year. If I was to do my weekly shop at the Food Festival stalls on New Road, all of the carbon that wasn’t footprinted by the food would have been replaced by green house gasses released in the minting of all the extra coins needed to pay for it.

However, the People’s Picnic is free. Bring food and share with strangers on Hove Lawns. The Labour Party are in town and I expect to see them down there enjoying this socialist sandwich experience.

Update:  When I got there I couldn’t anything other than the same-old foodstalls you would find at any festival. Where was the Great Picnic? But I did manage to snaffle enough free samples to make it worthwhile. And I discovered the pleasantly odd Circus Kinetica.

Angela Lizon, Colossal Cats

This image is enough to give me faith in the quality of the artists that are exhibiting at the Brighton Art Fair.

See you there…

Brighton Art Fair:

The Corn Exchange, 

2nd – 4th October.

To be continued…

Just notice how they pass the blame onto the suppliers, rather than accepting responsibility.

Dear all Beachdown ticket holders,
Sorry we haven’t been in touch sooner  with any further information about how to obtain your Beachdown refunds but until now, we had nothing additional to tell you.
However, yesterday we finally managed to arrange a meeting with Joe Pidgeon, one of the Beachdown Directors, to establish what advice we should now be giving to those of you have have not yet obtained refunds. As a result of this meeting, Beachdown have put together the statement below. Please read through it carefully & send relevant details to the email address specified so that Beachdown are able to process your refund application when funds become available.
You will still need to continue to be patient for the next couple of weeks but hopefully you will feel some reassurance from this statement that there is every intention to issue refunds, contrary to any rumours that have been circulating.
Thanks again for your understanding.
Kind regards,
Natasha & Derry. (resident records)
Statement from Beachdown Directors:To all ticket-holders who bought tickets from Rounder Records, Residentor Guarana in Brighton from the Beachdown Directors.Please be advised that the above ticket-outlets bear no responsibilitywhatsoever for the cancellation of Beachdown and as all money relating to their sales has been collected by us already, are also not liable for any outstanding refunds.

We, the Beachdown Directors, are solely liable for refunds. A full statement regarding ticket refunds and indeed the whole Beachdown situation will be issued in the week commencing October 5th.We would like to advise you that the Directors of Beachdown have been working tirelessly to secure refunds from those suppliers who were prepaid for services and then not provided at Beachdown and taking legal advice regarding the position that those suppliers placed us in, thus being able to provide swift refunds has unfortunately not been possible – a situation which we greatly regret but which is also beyond our control. Getting information from suppliers, insurance companies and advisors has all taken time as this is not a situation that we predicted would happen – far from it.We would like to apologise for the time this is taking and ask for a bit more patience in this matter (although we totally understand your individual frustration and anger at the situation) and that you address all future enquiries regarding ticket refunds by email to ticketinfo@beachdownfestival.com and not to the individual ticket-outlets where you bought your ticket or to your card issuer as ticket refunds will not be issued by them but by Beachdown itself.

We would like to add that the Brighton outlets have been put in a very difficult position by the Beachdown cancellation & have been very supportive of the event, so we in no way want them to suffer any further than they already have.  We will be posting information updates onto the Beachdown web-site, so please keep checking there for information & as mentioned before, a full statement regarding refunds will be issued week commencing October 5th.Regards and thank you again for your patience.

Beachdown Directors

Why? because it is five days of FREE events that work to promote local artists. That means free gigs. WIN-WIN-all around. Brighton Live is a non-profit organisation which makes a pleasant change in a town filled with greedy fuckers.

At the core of the festival is a showcase of new and unsigned Brighton music at a wide range of venues in the city. Over 150+ bands play 20+ venues. There are also free industry workshops and seminars to provide: information, inspiration, advice and discussion on current issues. There are also opportunities for professional development and networking with wise old music professionals and other -not so wise but enthusiastic- unsigned bands.

For five days: 29th Sep to 3rd October there are events in 20+ venues all over Brighton and Hove.

If you only manage to get out to see a couple bands, The Hussy recommends…

Half Sisters: @Madame Geishas, Friday 2nd October 7.30
Catchy songs that will appeal to everybody. Things are kept simple with a poppy sound created using ukulele, flute, jazz drums and vocal harmonies (according to Brighton Visitor)

Grasscut @My Hotel, Friday 2nd October 7.15
A duo possessing all the credentials one would expect to find on the soundtrack to a spooky, dazed and confusing dream, it should come as no surprise that The Sunday Times deemed Grasscut ghostly and weird. More astonishing, though, is the inclusion of “enveloping” in that description; and, more astonishing still, is that it’s completely true. Grasscut’s melodies are never compromised by their spookiness; in fact, the amalgamation of the two produces something so fascinating you’d be a fool to miss it. (according to The Badger)

For full listing go here

Tonight @Life, King’s Road Arches

To be honest, I am not really sure what all this is about. But I intend to find out.

The only question is who will reign supreme. The only weapon that they carry is a pen. Which is mightier than a sword.

I’m Still not sure what it is???

Firstly, at the start of this week,  a freecycle splinter group was formed GreenCycleSussex . This is the moderators from Brighton Freecycle going it alone.

Then, some dude called Larry informed me that the original freecycle group is still going.

So, who, what, why?

It is all a big ego thing, everyone wants to be the boss, make the decisions. And just like the way fractured oppostion allowed Hitler to rise up and be naughty, the only loser will be the cause.

Or in a less dramatic analogy it is like when all the members of Boyzone launched solo careers. The only people to lose out were the fans. So, who is to be the Ronan Keating of the freecycle world?

And why is there a squabble over the use of the name “Freecycle” ? Does Al Gore object to the use by other of of “Global Warming” and “Carbon Footprint”? You can read some petty nonsense here

While the freecycle civil war rages, I suggest you just use Gumtree instead. (It works better anyway)

Ace Cafe Reunion.

Bikes, leather, studs. Does it get any camper than this?

Imbue's Brighton

In the beginning was the word. And the word was brief, succinct and to the point.

“Let there be light.” not a lot of verbosity in that statement.

“Thou shalt not kill.” no work for a sub-editor on that text.

And Imbue has done the same-same with this print. It’s part of the Made in Brighton exhibition at Ink-d. There is obviously other stuff there, and it is all worth seeing etc etc.

More of his stuff on the website or just look at any lamp post in Brighton.

Brighton Speed Trials - Celeb Particapant

Purity Plummets.

The quality of speed available to the public has fallen to an all time low. Consumer groups are calling for goverment regualted minimum standards. The campaign kicks off on Madeira Drive this weekend. Have a go for yourself and see what you think of the “gold standard” varieties available to sample. There are plenty of paramedics on hand just in case too much speed results in a nasty accident.

GANG UP

Originally uploaded by sam hiscox

Gang Up Magazine
www.gangupmagazine.com

Next weekend is the “most extreme music weekend in the UK”. However without exception, the music stages and the extreme sportiness coexist but never overlap. This leaves the whole being less than some of it’s parts - the festival a weakened strain of itself – a cake with no icing or cherry on top. It’s like taking two absolute, gorgeous beauties; stripping then shaving their perfect bodies, oiling them from head to foot and asking them to rub every inch of their god-like sexiness all over each other. But not letting them kiss. Like Pretty Woman, without the final scene – unsatisfyingly imperfect.

So, how to fix the problem…

I have compiled a list of musicians that were also successful at (extreme) sports in the hope that it will inspire Doves, Biffy et al. to hold up there hands and volunteer to land a parachute, pilot a jet boat or take a BMX down the 40ft vert ramp…

Role Models:

David Lee Roth – climbed K2

Vanilla Ice – MX champion

Bruce Dickinson(Iron Maiden vocalist) – cage fighting specialist

James Hetfield(Metallica) – skateboard pro

Charlie and Craig Reid (Proclaimers) – ultra marathon runners

Les Claypool (bass player)- fishing champion

Gareth Gates - very good at rollerskating

Jack Johnson- Pipline Masters surfer

Actually, why not mix genres in the opposite direction? Give a banjo to some of the skatboarders and see what they can come up with. Entire football teams discovered hidden singing abilities when FA Cup finals loomed. John Barnes was even nominated for a Moby with the self-titled “John Barnes’ Rap” which in turn spurred the England team to not-quite-fulfill-their-potential at the worldcup.

please feel free to extend the list in the comments box below, or if you happen to be performing at the White Air Festival you can take the opportunity to sign up.

“The organisers of White Air have today announced an exclusive partnership with MySpace, that will see the festival teaming up with the social network to find a new unsigned band or artist to play the opening slot on the festival’s main stage on Saturday September 19th.
Interested bands and acts will be able to enter the competition by registering at the official White Air Myspace profile, which can be found at www.myspace.com/whiteairextremesports, between Tuesday September 8th and Sunday September 13th. The White Air music team will then review all entries, using songs uploaded to MySpace and other material across the entrants’ profiles to pick a winner, drawing on their wealth of festival-booking experience to identify the most talented act possible. “

Orchid Thieves brought every ingredient to the Prince Albert that makes watching a live band such a treat; gorgeous vocals, fantastic stage energy, multi-layered percussions and guitar chords as raw and ripped as your old Levi’s. From the very first note a thick beautiful noise belted out of the speakers and filled half of the street. 

Jones’ vocals were so dirty you’ll be washing them off for a week

The songs are well-constructed with adorable beginnings which reel the audience in while lead vocalist Rhiannon Jones holds her expression of stern-intent, thumps her foot into the stage floor and starts that hypnotising hip-swinging thing she does. Orchid Thieves are sexy and you know it. They work themselves into a whirlwind of dynamic lively rhythms and absorbing complex melodies which are well balanced with a rich and dense backing.

The lyrics have been put together like a finely tuned engine. They are an ode to life and all its fickle highs and lows. Jones’ vocals were so dirty you’ll be washing them off for a week. Her voice varies from a sultry-huskiness which will leave you sobbing on your best friend’s shoulder to full-blown belting which will rock your trousers, shoes and socks off. This band reeks of passion and they charmed the pants off the audience. Their sound is so potent it had the rats in the basement stomping their feet. Orchid Thieves went in, played every last song with heat and zest, leaving in their tracks a large group of people with smiles on their faces, humming the chorus to “After Tomorrow” as if it were an anthem.

Orchid Thieves have stormed their way on to the music scene with a series of successful gigs across the South East. They already produce a sound which is a strong rival to some of the newer bands at the Reading and Leeds Festivals; they certainly would not be out of place here and their music would transition well from the intimate venues they have been playing. They are doing everything right to set themselves up for an exciting and bulletproof future. If you have not heard their music before then you are missing out on some serious oral gratification. They are currently in the studio working on their debut album and if the track listing is anything like their current records then it’s going to be one to keep at the top of your CD collection.

By Paul Theoret

The question: who has just been added to the Whiteair lineup?

Answer: (see above)

To Enter: email the answer with your name and number to comp@bn1magazine.co.uk

I found this competition in the postcode based free-mag BN1

Of course “tipping point theory” tells us that we are already fucked and even teeny-weeny gerbil sized footprints can’t save us. So, go and listen to sweet tunes. Three bands, two pounds, one evening.

Alan Bonner: http://www.myspace.com/alanbonnermusic
Amanda Shaw: http://myspace.com/mandalshaw
Amy Hill: http://www.myspace.com/amyhillacoustic

Date:   
Saturday, 05 September 2009
Time:   
19:45 – 23:00
Location:   
The Lectern, Lewes Road, Brighton

Vbites

vbites

At Vbites celeb-caf down by Hove lagoon you can sit and watch cupcakes chasing flapjacks around in circles. It is even less appealing than it sounds, they don’t even look like nice cakes. Dry. Drab. Dull.

It could be an orbital somewhere just outside the 7th ring of hell. A ring road of inedible nibbles orbiting for eternity.

Generation game pergatory, cupcake, flapjack, cupcake, flapjack. Don’t forget the cupcake, flapjack, cupcake, flapjack.

I am sure they taste nice, they just aren’t lookers.

On the plus side, the smell of sewage that drifts across this part of Hove lagoon isn’t always there if the wind blowing across V-bites is gusting in your favour.

Heather Mills describes the Vbites as innovative with a superb 21st century feel. So if putting a cupcake onto a conveyor belt is at the cutting edge of innovation, then how about if I was to put a fairycake onto a moped or sellotaping a sausage roll to a frisbee? These would surely have to be innovations of Nobel Prize winning stature.

Fantastic musicians – great, original songs – and the lead singer is an amazing performer. Orchid Thieves give 100% to their audiences

The lead singer of this bad is HOT!

I stared at her for the whole gig….the guitarist was giving me the evil eye though…..

Great gig – great music and she’s damn sexy!

Venue: The Prince Albert, Trafalgar St, Brighton
Bands: Orchid Thieves (headline), Deadlines, The Hi-Sides, Icicle Thieves
Date:  Friday, 4th Sept
Time:  Doors open 8pm
Price:  £5 on the door

www.orchidthieves.co.uk

And just like Karaoke – some people will really take it seriously and others will cheese it up for their pals.

But unlike karaoke – you can use it as an excuse to show your underwear to strangers in a bar.

Poleoke takes place at the Latest Music Bar.
Pole Dance Lesson (see below)  from 7-8pm
Poleoke! 8-10pm
£5 entry / £10 with lesson
Saturday 29th August

However, the rumblings on the net suggest that it is shaping up to be a free festival in the style of Castlemorton where 20,000 people put on what was to become one of the last Free festivals. So if the sun is shining this weekend then head towards the downs and listen for the rumble of bass bins.

If enough people turn up then maybe Grace Jones and Grandmaster Flash will put in an appearance. An acoustic singsong around the campfire with 80′s stars would be a memory to share with your grandchildren…

To win tickets answer the following question: What is the name of the Scottish headline act.

And so you don’t have to think too hard, the answer is… Biffy Clyro

Email the answer to comp@bn1magazine.co.uk

If you want to get more free shit, follow The Hussy’s tweets www.twitter.com/hussybrighton

Bearded Beauty: William Fitzsimmons

Feeling lucky enough to be provided a chance to see William Fitzsimmons at on his latest wiz-round-tour round the U.K I headed out to the freebutt, to watch him play, and promote his latest album, “Goodnight”.
This bearded beauty of a man – rated as one of americas finest finest folk musicians – fuses his own emotive lyrics with simplistic guitar folk melodies. Hailing from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, born the youngest of two blind parents, his relationship with sound began. Having to communicate through sound in a variety of different ways, the house being covered with the likes of pianos, talking birds, guitars, trombones, and a huge pipe organ (which his father built with his own hands), including parents with very varied music styles, the mother being more interested in the contempery folk artists of the time, including Joni Mitchell, Bob Dylan, and James Taylor. His dad resonating with a more classical taste, you could say that along with his own passion for music he was destined to be a fantastic musician.
His history in working has not however been straight into music,being a qualified threpist in the U.S.A his lyrics retain an outside view point, and a melonconic quality about them. His latest album about his parents divorce, was said by him to be an important album in in releasing the regret and pain, and moving on.
Arriving at the freebutt venue at 7.30pm, the venue  conspicuasly hidden with hardly any frontage and not ready for any punters, me and a couple of other punctuals were asked if we were actually in the band.
If anyone has been to the freebut the layout is sunwhat unusual a seperate room for the bar, and a mirad of pillars scatter a small room with a stage at the far corner, its deffinetly a personal experience. To start a young lady sung meodic pop and got the crowd started, and a band called “The sea will decide”  bored me to tears.
William entered the stage with just one other member on guitar a very simplistic band outfit. Laughing, connecting and making relationships with the audience, he would tell the audence what particular songs meant ask questions, and have fun, being such an intimate venue it seems we could really get a feel for the real William, his voice so peaceful and quiet was so beautifully different and unique, songs such as “the song of the sparrow”, shone through for me, and also “you still hurt me” His voice was not forced it seemed he did not have to try hard to get his voice across, his emotions being resolved through his music. His music will deffinetly fill apart of you and nourish the soul, reccommended listening.

Reviewed by Luke Tonks

Gang Up Magazine Launch Party – Monday 24th August @ 8pm

Old Music Library, 115-6 Church Street

www.gangupmagazine.com

In the swamp of shite that is the Brighton magazine scene there may be something interesting about to happen.

DarkDaze - the LaChappelle of the South Coast – is behind the people behind the new Gang Up Magazine.

I know nothing more than the PR release that appeared in my inbox courtesy of the Brighton softporn/lingerie magnates at Ophelia’s Fancy.

www.gangupmagazine.com

The Hussy likes to share free stuff so follow us to find more www.twitter.com/hussybrighton
 
Basically, the prize goes to the person that manages to get to as many gigs as humanly possible in 7 days (and they can claim the official Guinness World Record whilst they are at it)!!

Contestants will have two weeks to attend as many gigs as they can and will be blogging and twittering their exploits, so you can follow the action every step of the way. The winner will walk away with  £1,000 of Born by Ted Baker. Plus we have hooked up with the award-winning and sold-out festival Bestival (11th-13th September – this year featuring Kraftwerk, Massive Attack, Elbow, Lily Allen and Fleet Foxes) who are giving us 2 hot tickets (plus weekend camping) for what promises to be the best 3 days in a field this summer. So the winner gets all this and potentially, an official world record for the most gigs in seven days.
 
This is also the last possible chance to grab a pair of tickets to Bestival 2009, which sold out in record time again this year.

Ainsley Harriott is coming to Brighton to campaign against the humble chip. The not-quite-celebrity chef has been struck by the idea that there are too many chips in circulation. And unless something can be done about it they will develop AI and start the Final War.

Mr Harriot wants to prevent a terminator style armgeddon by ridding us of chips before it all gets out of control. Or maybe he dislikes looking at fat people and paying taxes so they can have their greed stapled.

WHO?

Ainsley Harriott will be at Churchill Square in Brighton to launch his ‘No Chip Week’ campaign.
WHAT’S HAPPENING?

Head down to Churchill Square for a chance to meet Ainsley Harriott and see how Cous Cous works as a delicious side for a number of meal options. 
WHERE?

Churchill Square
WHEN?

Friday 14th August from 10am-5pm

Beachdown Photographer: Denise Felkin

Beachdown writer: Sarah Sharp

We are going to continue the format of competition to find writers photographers for future events, so watch this space…

Camp Bestival photographs fffound on ffflickr.

The top slide show is the “most interesting” the middle one shows the most recent photos and the bottom is of images tagged with fancy dress.

Is it wholesome-cheese or feaky-oddball when an entire family want to dress up as cows?

I will have some very articulate verbiage to publish on the matter soonish, untill then…

Benji Lanyado from the Guardian is stumbling around Brighton relying upon the advisory tweets of twit-twats.

He seems to have spent 4 hours to get from the station to the beach.

Tweet him up a dark alley then go and steal his Blackberry. Or make him walk around in circles. Or send him to Donatello for a lardy pizza. Or invite him around to your house for a cup of tea…

http://twitter.com/benjilanyado

@benjilanyado #TwiTrip #brighton

Did you know that Brighton and Hove has a geological bedrock – the ‘elephant bed’, running beneath it? Well, no, why would you? 

So you’d best settle down for a brief geology lesson. Sussex was once a mysterious place under the sea. Much like it’s modern day residents discard their clothes at the first sniff of summer, coccolithophores - the microscopic algae that formed the primeval population of Brighton, would discard their shells and leave them to form the chalky mass we now know as the South Downs.

Keeping up? Well, inspired by those same wanton coccolithophores that would strip so readily, all those thousands of leagues ago,  American sculptor John Grade has created The Elephant Bed. An immense installation, it’s showing exclusively at the Fabrica Gallery,which was set up back in 1996 at the deconsecrated Holy Trinity church, by a group of artists from Red Herring studios. This is Grade’s first UK exhibition and Fabrica’s focus for the summer, so go forth and marvel, it starts today.

Dates: 11 July – 31 August 2009

Gallery opening times: Wednesday – Saturday 12-5.30pm
Thursdays in August till 7pm
Sundays & bank holidays 2-5pm

Entrance free

www.fabrica.org.uk
www.johngrade.com

In all honesty, if you are down that neck of the woods then you might as well go here.  It is a bit less healthy but a lot more fun.

The Kite Festival takes place at stanmer Park, 11-12 July from 11am to 5 pm.

Much like tea, chocolate and diamonds, you should always ensure that your pets are ethically sourced. Sadly it seems puppy farming is still alive and breeding fast – despite switching to a cold wash cycle and only ever buying potatoes with the Soil Association stamp of approval, as a nation we are supporting an exceptionally unfair trade and we don’t even realise it.
 

If puppies are your thing (and let’s face it, if they aren’t your thing, then your soul is clearly made of plywood) then you’ll probably appreciate the opportunity to just say no to the brutal process of farming, and find out where you can purchase your next guilt-free and healthy pet?
 

Then this, canine friends and fans, is for you – on 19th September 2009, Brighton Racecourse is hosting the ‘World’s Largest Puppy Party’. Organised by snazzy social networking site ThePet.Net, the day will feature a dog show (judged by celebrities Carol Cleveland, Chris Ellison and Frank Burnside) , all day heats for your dogs to compete in and will be attended en force by a mass of the wriggling, licking, joie de vivre that are PUPPIES!
 

Proceeds from the event will go to deserving causes: Pro Dogs Direct, Hope Rescue and Sussex Pet Rescue. And if that ain’t enough to tempt you, there is even talk of making the day an official world record attempt. The words ‘puppy’ and ‘party’ smack of a rollicking good time to me, so stuff your pockets with bacon, give Fido a bath and a polish and pride yourself on attending the event to be seen at on this year’s doggy social calendar (aside from the Howling at The Moon Festival and The Big Bust-Up Over Bones).

Phoenix Art Gallery, 10-14 Waterloo Place, Brighton.
Sun 28 June 2009, 12 – 6pm Only £1 admission

Art Junky

The Thinking Men’s Project is launching (do you see what they did there? You will in a minute) itself in Brighton this July by holding a grand and glorious fancy dress bungee jump. (Launching. Bungee. Geddit?) 

Entitled ‘One Giant Leap For Man’ (you must see what they did there?), participants are asked to dress up as their number one male idol and then prove they they are in fact, man enough, by throwing themselves from a great height - ankles last, breakfast first. That’s if you’re man enough to eat breakfast beforehand.

Let’s hope the costumes are appropriate for this level of activity.

All money raised will be put towards local projects dedicated to:

• Improving men’s health and life expectancy
• Addressing boy’s educational under-achievement
• Tackling violence against boys and men
• Supporting fathers by closing the parenting gap

So say yes to testosterone and fool-hardy acts of bravery! Do it for your sons. Or your future sons. Or somebody you know who has a son. 

Saturday11th July, Madeira Drive, 12-6pm

www.thinkingmen.org.uk

Miss Aniela

I have been asked by the artist – Natalie Dybisz – to remove the original post….

So instead why not take a look at this BBC interview

and one day – when I have more time I might write something interesting and informative about the photographer Natalie Dybisz  or her alter-ego Miss Aniela.

for now here is some info.

Natalie has zillions of followers on Flickr

Google thinks that Miss Aniela is similar to Cindy Sherman.

Here is a lovely little montage of her photos as uploaded by PhaseOne to you tube

She is based in Brighton, UK which is no surprise because Brighton has the highest density of photographers anywhere in the world.

that’s it for now….

Brighton Celebrates Our Armed Forces

The first Armed Forces Day is 27 June 2009, and is an opportunity for the nation to show our support for the men and women who make up the Armed Forces community

The idea behind the day is to celebrate the achievements of the armed forces and honour the sacrifices of the men and women involved. A family friendly event is planned.

To kick off the celebrations, will be a parachute display. Pigs will be chuted into the sea just off the beach. Youngsters will get a chance to play with a bit of hi-tech war machinery taking porcine-potshots. The organisers are expecting some protests by animal rights protesters, but aren’t too worried. The officer in charge of the day, stated ” we aren’t too worried.” apparently there is an historical underpinning of livestock parachuting with the Great Pig Drop being one of the deciding strategies of WWI.

The pig shoot will be followed by a display from the royal navy with a search and rescue display. Pig corpses are remarkabely similar to dead humans so will allow our boys and girls to demonstrate their rescue skills.

Next up, it’s campfire cookery as the freshly brined hams are spit-roasted on the beach.

Where:  Lower Promenade East of the West Pier

When:  Saturday 27 June.

11.00– Parachute Display over Brighton and Hove Seafront – performed by the Tigers Free-fall and Parachute Display Team

11.30 – Event to be opened by The Worshipful the Mayor of Brighton and Hove

noon – Cadet Hour to feature displays and award ceremony

13.00 – Armed Forces Day Parade

15.00 – Armed Forces Day Address and Veterans Badge presentation

16.00 – Live Music performance by local band ‘Koala Friday’www.koalafriday.co.uk

There might also be some more with Photographic, historical and static displays, Veterans Advice stands, Military Vehicles, and have a go activities.

Don’t be shy, give it a go.

 We are sending someone to review the Brighton Loop Festival for The Hussy. We don’t yet know who it is going to be. Below are some of the entries. It is up to you -the public- to choose the winer. For the people that don’t win, please don’t do a Hairy Angel, we havent got the budget to send you to The Priory.

Here you go… 26 entries to choose from. The voting form is at the bottom of the page.

A: I’m a freelance national journalist, the ‘new talent editor’ at Diva Magazine and a music writer at Disorder. I’ve also written a large quantity of music reviews for high profile blogs and smaller independent titles. If you’re still looking for an experienced writer, please do drop me a line – I’m Brighton based and already covering the other big city festivals, Loop looks great.

B: A bit about myself, I have written my own underground magazine, writing is a direction I wish to move in my career, rather than the current direction of entering data and answering the questions of members of the public who are basically a little bit simple/lazy. I am also very much into my music, im in a band, go to many a live gig and electronica is close to my hear….maybe a bit strong, I like electronica. I believe I could create informative, fairly objective entertaining reviews for you, with a mixture of my ‘finger on the pulse’ youthful exuberance (not that youthful, im 26, but maybe it needs an older head) and clever words. Not too clever though, I don’t want to alienate people.

C: I am interested in reviewing the loop festival. I love music and writing.

D: I often write reviews on TV dramas and have a BA in Creative Media Writing. I love all genres of music and I would love to review the Brighton Festival.

E: I would love to go to loop festival for you because after a year on a music course in Brighton I would like to see if I could review music with the knowledge I now have. Also who wouldn’t want to see Fever Ray, Fujiya & Miyagi and Squarepusher, with acts like this this years festival is set to be Brightons “must go” event of the year.

F: because I have had an annus terribilis with the death of my partner and several burglaries and winning this would cheer me up.

G: Family badly needs a nice break during a tough financial time.

H: every new mother deserves a break, and what better way to enjoy a break than to spend it listening to LOUD music!

I: Final exams finish on the 24th of June… Need to get out there and have some fun
Additional maths today.. wish me luck!!!!

J: I have been writing incisive, witty, thought-provoking reviews and features for the U.K’s leading music magazine, Rock Sound, for over 2 years now. Every single month, I find my inbox overflowing with requests from P.R companies, record labels and bands looking to get their messages heard in the magazine. Why? My actions speak far louder than words. Send me to Loop Festival for the freshest coverage of this superb festival.

K: Hey! I would be very interested in going to The Loop Festival and reviewing it. I love music and was planning on attemnding it anyway.

L: I would like to review Loop because I’ve attended every yr since it started and have seen its changes and developments. I graduated from University of Brighton last yr, from a Digital Music & Sound Arts degree and am a fan of experimental electronica as well as local Brighton artists!

M: I’ve been to the last 2 Loops and am a fan! I graduated from the University of Brighton last yr from Digital Music and am devoted to music and composing. I would love to review the Loop Festival this year!

N: Because I have just lost my job, my husband has just lost his work contract and I am trying to do a PHD degree part time and listening to some good music this summer would really cheer us up!!

O: because its Brighton Baby!
No better town to let your hair down. Oh and the fact I’m going through a divorce and needs lots of diverse distractions that Brighton brings.

P: I am a music technology student in brighton, I also really enjoy writing stories, lyrics, articles etc… so this sounds perfect.

Q: So.. why do I want to go to the Brighton Loop Festival.
I have spent the last year understanding and embracing university life at the University of York. This does include positives such as, the diversity of such a place in comparison to the monotony of a country town such as the one I am from, and of course, discovering my capacity for new experiences (take from this statement what you will) – however, although History of Art maybe perceived to be the ‘hippies’ discipline (surrealism, colour  patterns and trying to decipher why Van Gogh cut his own ear off) I have found it is far from this, and right now I am growing weary. I feel like I know Michaelangelo right down to his favourite colour, paintbrush and pizza topping. All I am saying is that I want a release from dusty original Vasari’s and the learning the exact curvature of the Corinthian column –  and ultimately to me this is music. What draws me to both art and music, is their ecclesiasticism. Also while I feel I could tell you Michelangelo’s favourite song, I have yet to find mine and maybe it is waiting to be heard at Loop?

R: I’d really like to put myself forward to review Brighton Loop Festival.I’m just finishing my Music and Visual Arts degree at Brighton University and my A-levels included an A grade for English Language and Literature.Music Journalism is a pathway I am interested in pursuing and would really like an opportunity like this to review a festival.I’ve been intending to go to Loop Festival anyway as it is, and looking forward to seeing acts from Squarepusher to Emiliana Torrini.If you’d like to know any more about me, just ask.

S: I have demonstrable experience writing for a wide range of publications on all manner of subjects.  Currently I am a sub-editor at God is in the TV, an online culture zine and I also regularly contribute to Brighton’s The Hussy and the national site Battle Royale with Cheese, among others.  I write a lot of reviews of new and unsigned bands and also record a weekly podcast bringing attention to these acts.  I have also written a number of festival write-ups including coverage of Green Man, End of the Road, Square, Swn and the Great Escape.

T: I am very keen to become involved with you as a reviewer of the Brighton Loop Festival. I am an experienced music journalist, having contributed to Rock Sound magazine for over 2 years now. You can find an example of my work at www.sideonedummy.com/presspop.php?band_name=The_Gaslight_Anthem&review_id=2419 and my blog at www.theknifeatthegunfight.blogspot.com

U: I like writing and like music and like Brighton.

V: The hussy is a quality publication. If I write a piece that is published in The Hussy then I will gain the repspect of my peers. Vote for me coz I am not a creep!

W: I went to the Loop fstival last year and thought that it was brilliant. I’d love to go this year but have been credit crunched, if I don’t win this then I will have to stay at home and miss the whole thing. This would make me sad.

X: Writing music reviews is what I want to do when I finish at Uni. This might help me get a leg up in the industry.

Y: Gimme, gimme, gimme.

Z: I’m pissed just gimmee the tickets. Please give me the tickets.

You have read the entries, now you can vote for the winner. You need to be registered to vote, so when you have registered and logged in come back to this page to vote.

cforms contact form by delicious:days

Oh Simon. Come live with me, and be my love. I’ll separate your curls each morning. Iron your shirt collars till you could slice a crusty loaf with them. Buff your tongue with vinegar and Jif Lemon, ready for a day of making acerbic comments. I’ll only try and shag you the once. OK, maybe I won’t learn from that, and get you drunk and try it again. But it’ll be love in its purest form Simon, and that’s what counts.

Yours Truly,

A (slightly obsessed, but not dangerous) Fan

Simon Amstell – Do Nothing

To see all of the entries please go here

Remember, if not enough people bother voting, the BNP might win!

You need to be registered with The Hussy to vote for a winner. Voting will finish on 25th June. The winner will be contacted as soon as I recover from Glastonbury.

If you are not already registered, you will need to do so here. verify your email and then… come back to exactly where you are now and VOTE

cforms contact form by delicious:days

If you vote more than once all of your votes will be voided. 

.

All images (c) Lucy Brooks

This is an entry for the Beachdownphoto competition. See all of the entries here

If you want to see this photographer win, you need to  VOTE HERE

All images (c) Pornrutai Lohachal

This is an entry for the Beachdownphoto competition. See all of the entries here

free_funkconcord1

free_funkconcord_2

gay_pridebrighton

secret_garden_party1

secret_garden_party1

 If you want to see this photographer win, you need to  VOTE HERE

All images (c) Denise Felkin

This is an entry for the Beachdownphoto competition see all of the entries here

If you want to see this photographer win, you need to  VOTE HERE

Images (c) Charles Shepherd.

This is an entry for the Beachdownphoto competition see all of the entries here

becca_hossany_three_by_skeletonecreep1

becca_hossany_two_by_skeletonecreep

eddie_by_skeletonecreep

eddie_two_by_skeletonecreep

If you want to see this photographer win, you need to  VOTE HERE

All images (c) Paul Butkus

This is an entry for the Beachdownphoto competition see all of the entries here

 If you want to see this photographer win, you need to  VOTE HERE

All images (c) Paul Butkus

rubicks__the_amersham_arms_9th_october_2009

If you want to see this photographer win, you need to  VOTE HERE

All images (c) Joshua Ainsworth

This is an entry for the Beachdownphoto competition see all of the entries here

kasms__the_old_blue_last_march_19th_2009_1

kasms__the_old_blue_last_march_19th_2009_2

soho_dolls__sin_december_2008

the_revellions__the_100_club_27th_november_2008

totally_enourmous_extinct_dinosaurs__the_wilmington_arms_11th_december_2008

If you want to see this photographer win, you need to  VOTE HERE

Images (c) Joshua Ainsworth

www.joshuaainsworthphotography.co.uk

All images (c) Tobias Bennet

This is an entry for the Beachdownphoto competition, to see all of the entries go here

If you want to see this photographer win, you need to  VOTE HERE

All images (c) Sara Ingman

This is an entry for the Beachdownphoto competition, to see all of the entries go here

If you want to see this photographer win, you need to  VOTE HERE

To find the details of individual images, click on the photo.

The slideshow will keep updating as new images are added to to flickr. To view the images fullscreen click the button on the bottom-right of the slideshow

To find details of the individual photographers, then click on the image to go to their flickr page. You will also be able to see more of their photographs there.

Action Man Art

Originally uploaded by Scarycrow

This was going to be a “Don’t Miss This” but is now a “You should’ve gone” brilliant exhibition at the Phoenix gallery. Best thing about it… the smell. If you missed it, you will have no idea what I am talking about!