Spin produced by Madame Geisha’s PR team has sucked me into their vortex.

I was particularly struck by a full-page write up in a local free mag that was so conflated with praise a cynic might be mistaken for thinking that it wasn’t a review at all but actually a regurgitated press release. I am a sceptic, not a cynic; so I took myself off to investigate.

My pre-dinner googling informed me…

“uniquely positioned in the heart of Brighton’s boutique quarter and just a stone’s throw away from the city’s world famous sea front, Madame Geisha is a brand new concept in dining, drinking and entertainment.”

Bloody hell – a brand new concept in dining, drinking and entertainment!! You would have thought a brand new concept in any one of those three would be enough for a lifetime. I tried to think of all the concepts that could have been considered “brand new” when they originated.

Food: Sandwiches to an 18^th Century card player, potatoes to an Elizabethan, cooked food to a Neanderthal, sushi to a man-in-the-street in 1991.

Entertainment: Breakdancing to a Tibetan monk, Big Brother to everyone, Lady GaGa (just kidding), Elvis to 1953

Drink: Beer to ancient Egyptians, tea to Marco Polo, Singapore Slings to a Singaporean, Special Brew to a vagrant in 1950…

You get the point. So, I was prepped and ready for an epoch defining evening.

The Décor

They say: blends old style with new design to great effect.

I say: inspired by something that was inspired by a Blade Runner inspired idea of Asia. Exposed ventilation ducts, harsh lighting, perhaps they blew the design budget on PR? There is a random bamboo trellis by the entrance, perhaps that is the “old style”?

The Service

Kind of odd. The well-briefed waitress was trained in soft-hard selling. This is something expected in France, USA or anywhere that the frontline staff are paid a percent of sales, caught me off-guard in Brighton. When we ordered two glasses of wine, “why not get a whole bottle?” well, because we don’t want one. If we went to buy a car would the sales rep suggest, “why not get three?” and anyway it is illegal for barstaff to encourage alcohol consumption. When we ordered two dim sum, “they are really small do you want more than two?”. When my wife ordered her green curry with rice, “wouldn’t you rather have noodles?” no “why not, don’t you like noodles?” bloody hell, fuck off.

The Food

Bit-of-this; bit-of-that. All quite nice and overpriced in the annoying but not offensively so bracket. The randomness of the “if it’s Asian we serve it” menu had me thinking… in Asia do Pan-European restaurants serve any native food found within seven timezones? eg. Haggis pizza with stilton and dry cod? The main course was accompanied by the now famous Zilli Stack, nine chips in a perfect little pile, 3×3x3. Nothing offensive, but I think the money ,must be going to the PR department rather than the kitchen.

Towards the end of the meal the lighting changed and we were informed by the waitress that we where “changing into disco mode”. Time to go…

So we left the confused madam.

Satachi Trade is a trading bank in Brighton. And I am just using this post to test the number of people searching for this particular business in Brighton. If you are genuinely interested in what satachitrade is then i suggest you look at the company website, although where would you go to verify what they tell you? You would google it of course which in turn could bring you back to this page. What an evil circle you would find yourself in.

Here is the reasons for the meandering post…

Before you part with your hard earned cash you would like to check a few reviews and see what other people think. This is one of the main reasons why amazon is killing book shops. They aren’t the cheapest and you can’t see what you are about to purchase. But you can read what other people think, it is the amazon reviews section that sets is above from other retailers.

Wouldn’t it be good if you could write your own reviews? I have chosen Satachi trade as a test case. Before I joined the organisation then I googled it to see what it was all about. Could I really trust the dodgy looking salesman – Stuart – giving me all the fluff and bumf in the shadows of the Thomas Kemp? Could I trust the testimonials on the companies own website? What I wanted was a second opinion. If this page existed at the time, then I would have used it for info. It didn’t, I couldn’t.

As you have probably noticed, I haven’t told you anything about Satachi trade yet. That is beacuase this isn’t an advert or a review. Just an experiment.

And now… because I have wasted your time here is a video to make you go ooooh!

Well, quite a lot actually. But most of it is crap.

If you want a  nod in the direction of the most interesting goings on in Brightonia. Sign up for Hussy Mailand get our weekly email of listings and events guaranteed to stimulate and intrigue. The most recent mailout musings are archived at the bottom of this page, so you can see what you might be letting yourself in for…

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Sunday Roast in Brighton

On a typical Sunday, a typical Brightonian will be nursing a hangover head, lying in front of the three-hour-long Hollyoakes omnibus for the best part of the morning and using all remaining brain cells to work out where on earth to go for a traditional Sunday roast.

 We have many, many wonderful pubs in Brighton, it’s true, but there is nothing more disappointing than a roast dinner menu that is just not up to scratch or a kitchen that closes before you’ve even managed to get out the shower.

Too fancy, too rushed, no Yorkshire pudding with your beef (seriously, what are they thinking?), no crackling with your pork (yes, I’ve actually experienced this anomaly) or simply no vegetarian option on the menu which rules out half of your friends.

So, in a concerted effort to put a stop to the tedious-ness of searching for the perfect Sunday roast and actually having to make a decision about something when you should really be resting, The Hussy has put together the top five, best value, no frills roast dinner’s, just like your mum used to make 

Here we go then, in no particular order:

Blenio

Blenio on Seven Dials, is a modern-European bistro with a bit of a French slant. The staff are welcoming, and nothing is too much trouble for them to organise, they actually really go out of their way to make sure everything is perfect. Traditional roasts of Chicken, Pork or Beef with all the trimmings are served all day Sunday in a really quiet quaint setting.

With white tiled tables, duck egg blue paint and fresh fruit, vegetables and herbs spilling out of the décor, everything here is designed to make you feel like you’re in the South of France.

There is even a beautiful mediterranean-style courtyard which catches the sun at just the right time in the afternoon. The council, otherwise known as the fun police, won’t let you eat out there mind, but it is the perfect spot for a cigarette and a glass of rosé after your perfect roast.

Reservations in advance strongly recommended:

http://www.bleniobistro.com/
01273 220 220

Hove Place

Just tucked away off of First Avenue in Hove, The Hove Place pub swiftly serves a no frills roast with a great selection of vegetables and possibly the best gravy I’ve ever had.

 Because Hove Place is such a hidden spot it never gets overly busy on a Sunday so you are pretty much always guaranteed to get a nice table, which is exactly what you need if your head is pounding from the night before.

 All traditional roasts are served up until 8pm every Sunday, with good menu options for vegetarians to choose from too, all for under a tenner.

The gorgeous Italian gardens out the back are without a doubt the best feature of the pub catching the afternoon sunshine over lunch, and then gently heated in the evening as the sun starts to set 

For more information go here:

http://www.goldenliongroup.co.uk/Hove-Place.html

Or call this number: 01273 738 266

The Earth and Stars

Organic pub the Earth and Stars is situated in the heart of Brighton on Windsor Street. With no outside area apart from a terrace for smokers, this pub is the perfect place to wind down and cosy up for the evening.

Served throught the day, the Sunday roast menu carries all the traditional options, each with there own interesting twist. Honey and chilli glazed chicken, Slow roasted pork belly and lamb which has been marinated for 24 hrs. The portions are good too as they promise a selection of seven different vegetables with each meal.

Being an organic pub, the veggies among us are well catered for, with a well thought out menu to choose from.

The pub does get realy busy though, so it’s probably best to give them a call and reserve a table in advance.

Give them a call on this number: 01273 722 879

The Shakespeare’s Head

A local gem and set just behind Brighton train station towards Seven Dials, The Shakespeare’s Head has a range of interesting beers on tap and is covered with lovely fairy lights. A great fun atmosphere in here with friendly staff and good music.

Although The Shakespeare’s Head specialty is sausage and mash with ten different types of locally produced sausages, their Sunday roast is pretty darn good too, offering big portions, good roast potatoes and a great veggie option.

The nice set of picnic tables outside the front of the pub is the place to sit and people watch and stay out late drinking Leffe in the evening. It’s home from home.

This place is a local’s haven and very popular on a Sunday. Give them a bell to see if you can get a table first. 01273 329 444

The Sussex Yeoman

The Sussex Yeoman is a little pricier than your average roast, but well worth the money – this is food that has been made with love. Not many people know about this place as it’s just off the beaten track, but that doesn’t stop it being packed out when it comes to Sunday lunchtime.

The pub itself is tiny, pulling off the right balance of intimate but not over crowded. Just make sure you get here early if you want a table, plus bear in mind that they stop taking food orders a little earlier than the rest of the pubs listed above – so it’s best to ring and check before you head on over.

The roast is done to perfection everytime and the standard of food here is better than most more expensive restaurants.

If the Sussex Yeoman is calling you, then call them on 01273 327 985 to see how busy they are.

Written by Sarah L Sharp