Student Life…
24 hours In the Life of a Student
8:00am
I wake up to the delightful suicide provoking melody of Take That’s Shine, an eclectic tune that I originally believed would inspire me to get up in the mornings. It doesn’t. Instead I seek comfort and understanding in what every student would consider their best friend – the snooze button. Fuck drugs and alcohol, this is a temptation that no student can resist, a glimmer of hope in the morning surely put there by the devil himself. Whoever invented it is either an idiot or a legend. I’ll leave it to you to decide. Anyway, back to sleep for me!
11.17am
Shit. I missed my 9 o clock lecture. I am quickly distracted from this thought at the realisation that my mouth tastes like a badgers arse. Rehydration needed immediately. I stumble from my bed to the bathroom feeling the last few tequilas I had last night do a gymnastics lesson in my stomach. I swivel our lime scaled tap excited for the cold delight of water I’m about to engulf. Oh yes, I forgot, they cut the water off yesterday.
When applying for university there really should be some small print about all the adult shit you have to deal with at uni such as paying bills. You never see the lads in American Pie having to worry about whether EDF have raped them of £20 a month. No it’s all just red plastic cups and sunny beach parties for them.
11.20am
Last night’s tequila is taking a well earned swim in my toilet after it’s full on work out in my stomach. I promise myself I will never destroy my body in this way again.
11.42am
I clean myself to the best of my shaken ability with Johnson’s baby wipes. Unfortunately my mum bought me unscented ones so the smell of stale beer and cigarettes will be with me for the duration of the day. I pull on a pair of jeans and a vest top, and make my way to the kitchen on a desperate voyage to stop my tongue from permanently attaching itself to the roof of my mouth. Someone somewhere must have some fluids. I open the fridge, nothing but milk, just my luck. Well here goes nothing.
11.45am
Milk was the worst idea of my life. My mouth now feels like it has a thick coating of yoghurt inside it. I’m not a fan of yoghurt at the best of times. Anything that is supposed to curdle is not Ok by me. Feeling the huge emptiness in my stomach where the tequila used to be, I decide food is the answer. I go to my cupboard, unlike myself most students keep locks on their cupboards, I don’t bother as I am fully aware I have nothing worth stealing.
Yummy my favourite, Asda smart price bread with a delicious side order of mould. I am not fazed as this can be easily fixed. I grab a knife out of our super noodle filled sink, give it a quick wipe on a burnt tea towel and start work on my masterpiece. I believe I have become quite skilled at the art of mould removal.
Perfect, nothing like some hexagon shaped toast in the morning, after having had to cut most of it away due to an infestation of what I can only describe as green dust. Toast alone though is very bland, I’m on a mission for a delicacy, or at least something digestible. Slick as a snake I creep over to my housemates cupboard desperately trying to avoid making eye contact with the sign she’s made saying “Stop stealing my food, I will catch you”. I grab a spoonful of her Jam and put the jar back as if it had never left its home. No one would miss a bit of jam surely.
11.47am
Jeremy Kyle
12.19pm
Back upstairs I go.
For some reason I pick this moment to look in the mirror. Something I quickly regret noticing the huge whitehead on my forehead. Pop it, leave it, pop it, leave it…I can’t decide. I go with pop, which then leads to drawing blood which leads to more Johnson’s baby wipes. Epic fail. My dehydration is still causing me huge distress so I begin the long search of pockets in the hope of finding loose change.
12.32pm
A pound. Something is finally going right today. I roll myself a fag from the bacci someone left in my room a few weeks ago. It’s dry as hell but will have to do until I find my bank card. Being a performance student I’m supposed to avoid such appalling habits as smoking as my voice is my “tool”. In my opinion the lecturer who tells me that is a “tool” himself so just as I ignore him I ignore his advice. Right off to the shop then into uni for 1 o clock. I have to think of some lame excuse of why I missed this morning, which isn’t that I was off my tits last night and couldn’t even remember my own name when I woke up let alone where I was supposed to be.
1.04pm
I’m late. And because of this 4 minute deficiency in my time keeping my teacher feels the need to express as theatrically as he can how I need to show real commitment to the course so I can “shine like a true star”. Shine, I reminisce of my alarm this morning, which leads me to think of my bed. God I want my bed!
1.34pm
I’m laying on the floor pretending to be a foetus. Why oh why did I pick this course. So many conversations about feelings and emotions. Makes you want to put a bullet through your brain. What depresses me even more than this is the amount of people on my course that eat up this shit. Am I the abnormal one for hating it? Possibly. It’s just us cynical few who stand strong, I say stand strong, we stand at the back and snigger at what the teacher has to say.
2.52pm
We’re sitting in circles of trust describing our fears and hopes of the future. I would rather go through the whole milk situation again than do another minute of this.
3.28pm
I am reminded of a deadline that we have today for an essay about European modernity. European what? This is not good. I have until 4.30.
3.32pm
I am running to the library.
3.40pm
I made it to the library.
3.42pm
I am logged on to the godsend that is Wikipedia.
4.17pm
Copy, paste, re-word, Done! 159 words short but it’ll have to do. How did I forget this? My dad’s right. I need to buy a diary.
4.26pm
I’m in the queue at the hatch to submit work. 3 more people to go then me. Come on, Come on we’ve only got 4 minutes.
4.31pm
Hatch closed and I still have my essay in my hand. The lady behind the counter just smiles smugly at me, grey haired ugly bitch. That’s 10% off my mark. To be honest I’m not sure it was even worth 10%. Maybe I’ll tweak it a bit tomorrow.
5.00pm
I’m back home having tea with my housemates. Tea and Biscuits is a huge ritual in our house along with making our way through the friends box set for the 8th time this year. We need some new DVD’s. I don’t know how to describe my house except for student AKA dirty. No matter how much we clean it, it never looks good. We’ve been thinking of applying to D.I.Y SOS or whatever programmes it is that change your life these days.
7.10pm
Wahoo! Water is back on. My housemate’s dad kicked up a fuss. Yep we may be adults in the eyes of the law, but we still run to the parental’s when we need to make an angry phone call. I can’t wait for the day when I feel grown up enough to make that phone call myself without getting scared.
8.20pm
I’m sitting in the lounge playing Ring of Fire with the rest of the Wednesday night bunch. I always get hammered in this game. I think it’s the no swearing rule that gets me every time. Everyone’s smiling fully aware of all the camera’s going off in aid of the albums that just must be created tomorrow on facebook.
10.15pm
I’m shouting university chants along with the rest of my croonies whilst in line to get into the club. Classics such as “Soulja Boi” are protruding through the walls only quickly to be followed by the likes of Cyndi Lauper. Brilliant. I can taste in the air it’s going to be a good night.
11.45pm
I’ve run out of money. Time to Minesweep, a tradition passed down from student to student. In other words – tactfully robbing people of their drinks without getting caught. Spiffing. The time where I can actually afford to pay for my own drinks seems a lifetime away. 2 vodka lemonade’s and a JD and coke – successful evening.
12:52am
I don’t feel well.
1.37am
Sweating along to Kings of Leon with the other 300 students in the club. Oh yes my sex is on fire.
2.42am
Mmmm Cheesy chips
3.05am
Am I alive? I feel like I am inside a washing machine the room is spinning so much. One eye closed to ensure half decent vision. I must set an alarm, where’s my….Zzzzzzzz
11.23am
Shit I did it again!
Written by Jenny Welsh
This is an entry for the Hussy’s Beachdownwriter Competition.
To see all of the entries follow me……
For details of the festival (the prize) www.beachdownfestival.com
Tags: Beachdownwriter
What's on your mind?
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April 9th 2009 | 1
Kikolani says:
Reading that reminded me of my college dorm days, with the exception that I am not a tea drinker. Vodka definitely though!
~ Kristi
Kikolani’s last blog post..Discover More About Yourself Through Blogging
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keren says:
Welsh..
Your an absolute genius!!!!
its 1.09pm, ive just woken up after a night of playing ring of fire.. my mouth was dry all i have in the house is milk and i stole some johnsons baby wipes out of my mums room!!! Its as if you knew this day was about to happen to me xxx -
Sandra Mulholland says:
This is wicked Jenny…it has made me miss my uni days xx
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Becci says:
hahahaha this is ACE!!! Student to a T!!! X
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Jennie says:
jennie to jennyyy funk to funkyyy…
this is jokes.. i preti much grinned and smirked to myself the whole way thru, followed by a couple of sniggers. nice.
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Tommy says:
Amazing… every one of us has been here, but I can’t think of anyone that has ever managed to convert the existence into words!
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Mikey says:
Loving your work – had no idea how talented you were Miss Welsh!! Seriously, loving your work! And Loving you as always!
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james szymik says:
Sounds about right jenny……..
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sophie veitch says:
Jenny this is sooooo amazing i love the spot bit, pop it, leave it!!! haha that is exactly what i have just done , this is def a hit, hope to see u soon xxxxxxxx
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amy says:
Welshy thats so funny!! You are a legend i hope you win!!! xxx
