Language of Love
“Her vulva was in front of my face.“ A fine opening gambit from the winner of the Bad Sex in Fiction Award. Other classy lines include “I stretched out my arm and buried my middle finger into this boundless eye“ and “I could use my prick like a stake hardened in the fire“.
Bad Sex in Fiction
I suggest you give these lines a test drive. Roll them around your mouth a few times to warm them up then take them out for a spin. Whether used on your lover or a stranger – each sentence is guaranteed to unfurl the most tightly bound petals and dilate the steeliest gimlet eyes. You could measure the response mechanism of the central nervous system if were to time from when the last perfectly honed syllable left your lips until the listener subconsciously flicks their tongue across their teeth. In order to improve the quality of these lines of love, I took advantage of google’s translation facilities to translate the passage into french, the language of love. And then for the benefit of myself and the other anglophile romantics I translated it back into English, the results are below. Give it a go, you will find yourself rejoicing in spurts.
Her vulva was in front of my face. Beyond the pale flesh, a little young swollen lips. Gender, to me as a Gorgon head eyes never blinks unique as Cyclops was still watching me as a spy. Gradually, silent gaze penetrate my marrow. My breathing accelerated and stretched my hand to hide it: I’ve never seen, but still saw me and me (I already) been purified in the nude naked. Only have to be still, I have the fire My Dick can use a pole, and made me blind Polyphemus a possibility. But the tail, the stone was returned seemed ineffective. My arms were stretched without limit fingers and eyes buried. Hips slightly changed, but it was all. Far from piercing, I instead opened the eyes still hidden behind the wide eyes were empty. Then I had no idea: I let my fingers and forearm forward while dragging me, me, my wound taken against my vulva it was resting against the hole. At this time in a course, this body at the bottom of my third eye bright, his one eye looking irradiated Own Me and blind us to each other: still got a big jump was in the white light seems to go, he shouted: “What are you doing, what? and I loudly, her vulva and I am too deep into my eyes finally all, are cleaned and opened to swallow is still very large penis, a rejoicing in Spurts laughed at everything I saw out of the sperm gushes.
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Tags: bad sex in fiction, literature
